I'mmm back thanks go out to Greyice and Flock for the organising of a graphics card that I can use till mine is repaired, Thanks guys
A CLUBBERS GUIDE TO PERSONAL ADS
The following are actual ads placed in the Personal section of the Ministry of Sound magazine [UK clubbing/Lifestyle mag]:
ARE YOU AGED 18-30, female, slim build, into hardcore techno, a recent graduate and into politics? Then f*ck off. I want a sh!t-thick 16 year old bird with no opinions and massive tits. Reply to box xxxx
WERE YOU THE GIRL with braids, blue T-shirt, platform trainers, dancing to left of the stage during JFK's set at Passion last Friday? I was the guy curled up under the speaker stack. I meant to talk to you but I was hallucinating and I thought you had a wolf's head and flippers. But I'm ok now. Reply to xxxx
ATTENTION ALL MAD club heads in the Toxteth area going to Cream this weekend. Me and my mates are going to nick all your valuables while you're out because we're thieving scally bastards.
IF YOU ARE a group of around four house fans in the Acton High Street area of West London and you're particularly into old skool Chicago sounds, please turn your stereo down because some of us are fucking trying to get some sleep.
ARE YOU THE TALL BLACK-HAIRED GUY in the black and silver Versace shirt who I shagged in the Ministry toilets about three months a go without any form of birth control? Please write to me. I'd love to hear from you. Just to see how you are and stuff. Don't worry, there's nothing to worry about. Really. It's just that I'm going to have a... ummm... a PARTY! Yes, that's it.. A party. Reply xxxx
WANTED: COCAINE. Lots of it. Reply to xxxx
WERE YOU THE man standing three feet away from me at the bar in Fabric, smiling weakly and smelling rather too strongly of Issey Miyake? Because if you look at my tits one more time, I am going to glass you.
Three Drunk Women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first girl claimed that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes."
The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, " Listen girls, I don't think you understand... Chunks is my dog."
A CLUBBERS GUIDE TO PERSONAL ADS
The following are actual ads placed in the Personal section of the Ministry of Sound magazine [UK clubbing/Lifestyle mag]:
ARE YOU AGED 18-30, female, slim build, into hardcore techno, a recent graduate and into politics? Then f*ck off. I want a sh!t-thick 16 year old bird with no opinions and massive tits. Reply to box xxxx
WERE YOU THE GIRL with braids, blue T-shirt, platform trainers, dancing to left of the stage during JFK's set at Passion last Friday? I was the guy curled up under the speaker stack. I meant to talk to you but I was hallucinating and I thought you had a wolf's head and flippers. But I'm ok now. Reply to xxxx
ATTENTION ALL MAD club heads in the Toxteth area going to Cream this weekend. Me and my mates are going to nick all your valuables while you're out because we're thieving scally bastards.
IF YOU ARE a group of around four house fans in the Acton High Street area of West London and you're particularly into old skool Chicago sounds, please turn your stereo down because some of us are fucking trying to get some sleep.
ARE YOU THE TALL BLACK-HAIRED GUY in the black and silver Versace shirt who I shagged in the Ministry toilets about three months a go without any form of birth control? Please write to me. I'd love to hear from you. Just to see how you are and stuff. Don't worry, there's nothing to worry about. Really. It's just that I'm going to have a... ummm... a PARTY! Yes, that's it.. A party. Reply xxxx
WANTED: COCAINE. Lots of it. Reply to xxxx
WERE YOU THE man standing three feet away from me at the bar in Fabric, smiling weakly and smelling rather too strongly of Issey Miyake? Because if you look at my tits one more time, I am going to glass you.
Three Drunk Women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first girl claimed that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes."
The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, " Listen girls, I don't think you understand... Chunks is my dog."
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